This week something profound happened in my world. My son had a birthday. He is now 18 years old. He is an adult. It's still sinking in. I am the parent to an adult - I have an adult child. Its going to take a while for that one to feel real.
I had Josh when I was 21. A "young mum" by todays standards. I was a baby having a baby. So really I have been a parent for most of my adult life. This has got me thinking about how my adulthood is measured in time by Josh's life and milestones. My memories of my adult life are so intertwined by his life that I cant imagine it any other way. I can recall with confidence where and when I was at different points because Josh was there. When Princess Diana died it was a few months before 2 year old Josh stopped wearing nappies - I can still see him running around with a big loose bulky terry cloth nappy on, carrying his toy soldier doll knitted by his Nana, and playing trains. When I married my husband, Josh walked me down the aisle - I can still see his 10 year old self with a squashed lapel (sp) orchid and his gelled hair done by his uncle. When my daughter was born, 15 year old Josh was there. I can remember his beaming face more than I can remember her squashed up brand new face. My life is so polka-dotted by his moments that more than any other person, he connects the dots of my life.
I had Josh when I was 21. A "young mum" by todays standards. I was a baby having a baby. So really I have been a parent for most of my adult life. This has got me thinking about how my adulthood is measured in time by Josh's life and milestones. My memories of my adult life are so intertwined by his life that I cant imagine it any other way. I can recall with confidence where and when I was at different points because Josh was there. When Princess Diana died it was a few months before 2 year old Josh stopped wearing nappies - I can still see him running around with a big loose bulky terry cloth nappy on, carrying his toy soldier doll knitted by his Nana, and playing trains. When I married my husband, Josh walked me down the aisle - I can still see his 10 year old self with a squashed lapel (sp) orchid and his gelled hair done by his uncle. When my daughter was born, 15 year old Josh was there. I can remember his beaming face more than I can remember her squashed up brand new face. My life is so polka-dotted by his moments that more than any other person, he connects the dots of my life.
This was our attempt at recreating a mother/baby moment!
The letting go process began quite a while ago now. He's always been a step away from me, even while needing me so much as a youngster. And he still needs me now too. But as his legs grew - and they are very long! - the length of that step has grown too. Sometimes its a great divide, with the distance of his choosing. This man pictured here made me a mother a lifetime ago. No matter how great the distance he will always be close in my heart.
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